Pain Day

This was the first thought when I woke up this morning. There are days when you dont wish to look at yourself in the mirror. It was one such. I woke up this morning (well, I couldn't sleep for that matter). The thoughts which were lingering in my dreams came to life. They haunted me in that shallow, half-awake half-asleep, conscious and at the same time inconscious state. For the first time, I didn't feel like going to office. I wanted to sleep and sleep till the thoughts stopped knocking my head. I cursed myself for being obedient. I enjoyed thinking of those rare times when I refused to be one. I didn't have the energy to work, to prove to myself, to laugh, love, enjoy, relish. I felt like a soul in coma.

No matter how disgusted I felt, the world was not willing to leave me alone. There were phone calls and I picked some of them because there was no mistake of theirs for my current state. The was solely responsible for creating this mess. People thought they knew me and tried judging things from my voice. They asked if I was keeping healthy, if things were fine, if i needed help, etc. I did not tell them a word.

Not that I didn't want to, I almost had no energy to. I was not willing to make them sad and I knew telling them would spoil the little fun they were left in their lives. I crashed and crumpled after talking to them. I wanted to cry out loud. I wanted to go to the terrace and cry at the top of my voice, again because I didn't wish to appear weak before anyone. And crying meant weakness, it meant losing to courage, it meant losing to confidence, it meant being broken-down, it meant changing the notion and perception people had of me. But I was energyless, so I sat there, meek and small in a large universe. The otherwise me would have arranged the bed as a first thing and would have proceeded towards facing life as if it was all under my control.

I didn't wish to do anything today. Nothing seemed right, I was losing. I was losing to myself. I was losing to life. I was losing to the hopes my mother had of me. I was losing to her vibrant eyes who told me that I was the best she had seen. For the first time in my life, I wanted to quit. I wanted to meet father and sister once. I really wanted to be back with Mother, wherever she was. I wished I could die.

Heights of Superiority Complex

Bangalore has a severe 4-wheeler parking problem. The independent houses do not have parking spaces and every household parks its vehicles in front of their house. 2/3rd of the street that I live is blocked from both the sides with just cars. I live in a rented house and when the landlords saw me with a car, the first thing they said was ‘We already have 3 cars. Think of your own garage space’. While I was hunting for a parking space, I heard sentences like the following:

- Ask your landlord to provide a space for the car. Don’t park in front of our house. (As if they bought the street in front of their house)

- It is becoming very inconvenient for us to take out the car in the morning. You see, my husband leaves at 8 am. (Yes, I know what you think of us – Lazy monsters)

- You have parked this car at almost the junction point. Yesterday, a young fellow was almost about to hit. (He was drunk, Dude) 

- We have an Audi A5 you see. My son is planning to get another BMW. See that space, park your vehicle there. (Thanks for all the info)

After a few trials and errors, I finally found a space to park the car – a street away, close to a park and in front of a medium sized Bungalow. Like a normal day, I was parking my car under a tree shed close to the house when a guy comes out and says ‘I’m the driver of the Assistant Commissioner of Police, move your car a little to the front’. I still wonder why I reacted that way that day. I laughed to his serious question and replied, ‘Ok, you have scared me’ and to my surprise, he giggled too.

*The italicized sentences were what my heart said in its mute form.

How to… update details on your PAN card

The plan is to write a few posts starting with a ‘How to…’.

My Objective here is to help people create some of these documents on their own without having to pay bribes or feeling tortured by the systems. This is one thing that I have particularly believed in – no matter what it takes, I’m not going to give away that extra money so that my work is easily done. I wish to stand in the queues, learn and know things if need be. I don’t want someone else to do that for me.

Well, why are we here? To update details on our PAN card. We want to update details like a new surname, getting the spelling mistakes corrected on our existing card, etc. We might also require another one in the case of a lost card.

Let’s do things step by step:

Step1: Go to this website and click on PAN—>Apply Online –>NSDL

Step2: It will take you to this website. Click on ‘Changes or correction in PAN details’.

Step3: Just go through the page before selecting the appropriate entity from the drop down.

Step4: Fill in all the personal details. The one marked in asterisks are compulsory.

Step5: You need to have an Identity proof document, a proof of address and a proof of date of birth (Passport/Driving License/Voter card/Ration card/Aadhar/Rent agreement/Bills from PSU’s like BSNL/MTNL are some of the documents that you can put to use).

Step6: Make payment using a DD/Cheque/Credit Card/Debit Card/Net Banking and click on submit. Note down the 15-digit acknowledgement id and take a print out of the same.

Step7: You need to have 2 passport photographs ready to be affixed on the printed document. The left hand side photograph should have a signature half on the photo and half on the document. Sign in the box below the right hand side photograph.

Final Step: Send the application, proof documents, DD/Cheque (if any) to the address mentioned in the website.

Use this link to know the status of your application. You will be intimated on your e-mail id/phone number too.

This is a fairly easy process. Wishing you all the best!