Pain Day

This was the first thought when I woke up this morning. There are days when you dont wish to look at yourself in the mirror. It was one such. I woke up this morning (well, I couldn't sleep for that matter). The thoughts which were lingering in my dreams came to life. They haunted me in that shallow, half-awake half-asleep, conscious and at the same time inconscious state. For the first time, I didn't feel like going to office. I wanted to sleep and sleep till the thoughts stopped knocking my head. I cursed myself for being obedient. I enjoyed thinking of those rare times when I refused to be one. I didn't have the energy to work, to prove to myself, to laugh, love, enjoy, relish. I felt like a soul in coma.

No matter how disgusted I felt, the world was not willing to leave me alone. There were phone calls and I picked some of them because there was no mistake of theirs for my current state. The was solely responsible for creating this mess. People thought they knew me and tried judging things from my voice. They asked if I was keeping healthy, if things were fine, if i needed help, etc. I did not tell them a word.

Not that I didn't want to, I almost had no energy to. I was not willing to make them sad and I knew telling them would spoil the little fun they were left in their lives. I crashed and crumpled after talking to them. I wanted to cry out loud. I wanted to go to the terrace and cry at the top of my voice, again because I didn't wish to appear weak before anyone. And crying meant weakness, it meant losing to courage, it meant losing to confidence, it meant being broken-down, it meant changing the notion and perception people had of me. But I was energyless, so I sat there, meek and small in a large universe. The otherwise me would have arranged the bed as a first thing and would have proceeded towards facing life as if it was all under my control.

I didn't wish to do anything today. Nothing seemed right, I was losing. I was losing to myself. I was losing to life. I was losing to the hopes my mother had of me. I was losing to her vibrant eyes who told me that I was the best she had seen. For the first time in my life, I wanted to quit. I wanted to meet father and sister once. I really wanted to be back with Mother, wherever she was. I wished I could die.

Heights of Superiority Complex

Bangalore has a severe 4-wheeler parking problem. The independent houses do not have parking spaces and every household parks its vehicles in front of their house. 2/3rd of the street that I live is blocked from both the sides with just cars. I live in a rented house and when the landlords saw me with a car, the first thing they said was ‘We already have 3 cars. Think of your own garage space’. While I was hunting for a parking space, I heard sentences like the following:

- Ask your landlord to provide a space for the car. Don’t park in front of our house. (As if they bought the street in front of their house)

- It is becoming very inconvenient for us to take out the car in the morning. You see, my husband leaves at 8 am. (Yes, I know what you think of us – Lazy monsters)

- You have parked this car at almost the junction point. Yesterday, a young fellow was almost about to hit. (He was drunk, Dude) 

- We have an Audi A5 you see. My son is planning to get another BMW. See that space, park your vehicle there. (Thanks for all the info)

After a few trials and errors, I finally found a space to park the car – a street away, close to a park and in front of a medium sized Bungalow. Like a normal day, I was parking my car under a tree shed close to the house when a guy comes out and says ‘I’m the driver of the Assistant Commissioner of Police, move your car a little to the front’. I still wonder why I reacted that way that day. I laughed to his serious question and replied, ‘Ok, you have scared me’ and to my surprise, he giggled too.

*The italicized sentences were what my heart said in its mute form.

How to… update details on your PAN card

The plan is to write a few posts starting with a ‘How to…’.

My Objective here is to help people create some of these documents on their own without having to pay bribes or feeling tortured by the systems. This is one thing that I have particularly believed in – no matter what it takes, I’m not going to give away that extra money so that my work is easily done. I wish to stand in the queues, learn and know things if need be. I don’t want someone else to do that for me.

Well, why are we here? To update details on our PAN card. We want to update details like a new surname, getting the spelling mistakes corrected on our existing card, etc. We might also require another one in the case of a lost card.

Let’s do things step by step:

Step1: Go to this website and click on PAN—>Apply Online –>NSDL

Step2: It will take you to this website. Click on ‘Changes or correction in PAN details’.

Step3: Just go through the page before selecting the appropriate entity from the drop down.

Step4: Fill in all the personal details. The one marked in asterisks are compulsory.

Step5: You need to have an Identity proof document, a proof of address and a proof of date of birth (Passport/Driving License/Voter card/Ration card/Aadhar/Rent agreement/Bills from PSU’s like BSNL/MTNL are some of the documents that you can put to use).

Step6: Make payment using a DD/Cheque/Credit Card/Debit Card/Net Banking and click on submit. Note down the 15-digit acknowledgement id and take a print out of the same.

Step7: You need to have 2 passport photographs ready to be affixed on the printed document. The left hand side photograph should have a signature half on the photo and half on the document. Sign in the box below the right hand side photograph.

Final Step: Send the application, proof documents, DD/Cheque (if any) to the address mentioned in the website.

Use this link to know the status of your application. You will be intimated on your e-mail id/phone number too.

This is a fairly easy process. Wishing you all the best!

Benefit of doubt

This doubt has helped me while the others have tormented with their mere existence. And it’s such a simple thing to implement too. Think of it, when you are not sure about someone or something, just think positive about it. Be a little generous and pass on that benefit to the other person. More so because it is saving you from living without a  torture. For example, a friend of mine told me that when she was working for a popularly known ‘Sadist’ manager within the company, she reminded herself that the manager might have been bad to others because they never created their opinions were biased as they heard things from people. That kind of an attitude worked in her favour. The Manager did not become friendly to her. The manager was kind of a person who would get the best of projects for the team and always be in light before the senior management. She learnt a lot while being in her team.

I too implement this discipline in my day to day life. Whenever I find a relative too odd to talk to and someone with a totally different bent of mind (I do get annoyed at the beginning), but I give them the benefit of doubt. I tell myself, ‘I’m totally doubtful whether what I have felt is right. He/She perhaps is a different person at the bottom of the heart’ and the relatives have turned out to be manageable in almost all of the cases.

What do you do when you find a bossy husband or a dominating friend or a cranky room-mate? Can you change them? We most of the times can’t and the best we can do is giving them the benefit of doubt. If its a bossy husband, be happy that you do not have to care about many things in life. If it is a dominating friend, think that she would be taking responsibility of all the jobs that you jointly do. In a few years time, they are bound to realize or you will feel adapted. In either of the two cases, the situation is win-win. After all, we are selfish enough to keep ourselves happy, so what’s the harm in having this doubt? Do you think we can do something better?

Why I like being a Minimalist?

Mum always liked procuring things. When we got the second sofa set, she could not discard the first one. Daddy bought her the second refrigerator and she looked for places in the house where she could keep the old one. Our house was full of goods and there was literally no place to idly roam around. Everyday dusting the house took her more than 2 hours. I asked her if things would be simpler if she had less things to take care of inside the house. She agreed that I was right but she would find happiness when guests would compare the two sofa sets and tell her which was prettier.

I have nothing against them who buy things more than necessary, who have things ready for 4 generations to use (assumption being the cutlery in fashion today would be the one two centuries later), who think of those 100 occasions where they might have a gathering of 5 or 20 or 50 people and how can they be best prepared for those occasions (most of which might never happen), who wish to flaunt with those 2 dozen dinner sets explaining others where they bought each from and how do they maintain them, I really have nothing against these guys but I don’t like that extra work which comes to me not because I like it but because it helps me show off my wealth. Not doing that extra work gives me ample of time to focus on my hobbies, to spend time with my family, to travel, to be at ease and not worry about the 10^th Closet in the house or the 3^rd dining table.

I wish if Minimalism could become the next fad and people stop indulging themselves in things they don’t like or are pursuing them just for the sake of show-off or maintain a status in the society. As the world is approaching towards a knitted knowledge industry, I think how much one knows will be of higher value than those goods which depreciate over time.

A small confab

I met this Dutch couple on my flight back from NYC. The lady who was sitting next to me asked if it was my first trip to the United States and I said ‘yes’. She asked me the next obvious question what was I there for. And I said ‘To see another country, meet and talk to new people, someone like you for example and importantly to meet my Superpartner’. Over years, if I have not learnt the art of asking right questions, I have at least learnt to ask back the questions they ask me and that solves two problems – one, they do not feel offended that I was not interested in them by not asking anything and two, the other person doesn’t find me rude because they asked me the same questions. To make sure they not get irritated or think plainly that I copied them, I ask the questions after a while or sometimes twist them a bit so that they appear as new questions altogether. Now it was my turn now to start the conversation and I pretty much asked her this ‘You must have visited US many a times’ and she said ‘O no… this is our second time.’ and before me asking the second question, she said ‘We had gone there to celebrate our 50th anniversary. Both me and my husband are musicians and we had wanted to spend some good time in the same country we were there many years ago’. Now, she left me in a tricky situation, I had only asked one question, which meant that I was supposed to ask one more to even out our situation and her long answer to the first question meant she wanted to talk more, maybe not with me, but ‘just talk’ in general. So, after thinking for a little while, I asked if her children were in Frankfurt (the flight was from NYC to Frankfurt). She replied saying ‘We will be taking a connecting flight to Denmark and we don’t have children. We are united by our love for Music and we wish to learn more and more Music and compose’ (this is when I realized they were Dutch). I liked her answer a lot and that made me write this post. Wish our dictionaries just didn’t give us the conventional answers when we looked for words like ‘children’ (son or daughter of any age). Wish they also said things like ‘beings/things you wish to give your heart and soul to’. Yes, I’m also looking for Philosophies as answers. In the internet age, is that asking for too much?

How I learnt about brewing?

 

I know what are you thinking. I know what would your reaction be after reading this paragraph. I know you must be thinking where has she learnt about brewing. I’m going to talk about a fairly simple kind of brewing in this post – the coffee brewing. Not exactly how coffee beans (Arabica, Robusta and many others) are dried and powdered or converted into other form, instead I’m going to talk about these special coffee brewing machines. The vending machines – yes. The stimulants that help us come out of our Monday morning blues/hangovers/dizziness and boredom at times.

We have a coffee brewing machine here in the US office. There are a dozen of flavoured coffees placed alongside, my first time I saw these many varieties. I took a little more than 2 minutes to decipher the names and picking up one took another few seconds. There were varieties like the French roasts, French Vanilla roasts, Breakfast blend, Sumatran blends, some decaffeinated and others not. The machine required me to press on the ‘Open’ button foremost. After I pressed it, a thing opened up on which we could place the coffee pod I had picked up. After experimenting for nearly 2 weeks, I figured out that the basic one suits me the best, of course I’m talking about ‘Breakfast blend’. So, you open a coffee pouch to pick up the pod and place it on the opened up ‘container’ thingy of the machine. I then was required to press one out of the three available options – Mild, Medium or Bold. As an average human being, who tries testing the mediocre things, I pressed on the ‘Medium’ button, thinking I would move to ‘Mild’ or ‘Bold’ depending on the strength of the one I’m trying. The sign on the machine now changed to ‘Brewing’ and drops of brown colored liquid started pouring into the cup I had placed inside the machine. I stared at the machine till my cup was full and the machine said ‘Ready’.

I have tried different kinds of coffee in India too (This post is when I’m working from the NYC office). There are options of choosing your own spices. I like the South Indian filter coffee the most, with milk and little sugar, the smell of that coffee attracts me from a distance and what an amazing combination is a Butter Dosa with strong filter coffee. Here it goes,